an apology for my leaving

by Nicole Fegan

Simon Sun

what i am looking for in love is shelter — from the rain,

from myself, and even from the sun.

our home is inhospitable. woodpecker trellis; evergreen tree.

i complain. this we know —  laughter over cold toes,

winter heat, the crack of light between our doors.

and i storm; i storm. i cannot build the vernal dam.

wherever i am rock i blame the river for erosion.

i want to vacation in your life. soft, fragile kisses

far beyond our view. let me build up troubles

and wash them away with you. let me thrash and claw

in the nebulous open; let you stay safe.

the last time i left, i took stock of your eyes:

powder blue, speckled with the pewter of stormclouds.

i have not forgotten this. if the world is made of magic,

i know you see mine. just let me surge and surge and surge;

please come meet me in the delta

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Nicole Fegan is a book editor, poet, and logic puzzle maker currently living in New Orleans. Her poetry has appeared or is forthcoming in Susurrus, Heimat Review, midsummer magazine, and Nowhere Girl Collective. You can find her on instagram at @nfeegs and more of her work at https://www.nicole-fegan.com/