Meat-Flavored Water

by Thad DeVassie

Jonathan Chng

They say it is loaded with grams of lean protein. They say it comes with electrolytes. Even the chosen typeface for the word electrolytes! looks exciting and exuberant, and the sound of it rolling off the tongue conjures up images of tiny prizes floating in the fluid. They say it will curb hunger cravings, potentially leading to substantial weight loss over time, although this claim has not been verified by any governing body. They upsell its assumed benefits for the purpose of impulse purchases. They secure premium space at the end of the aisle, put it on sale, and let the clever packaging do its bidding. They wouldn’t say what kind of meat the flavoring resembles. We don’t know who “they” are. An Internet search pulls an AI overview that says it is a subsidiary of a conglomerate and holding company with support from angel investors and a top private equity firm. Such evasiveness puts an end to further Internet searches in the grocery store aisle. The clever packaging looks so spectacular I almost missed the small type advising fresh spring water filtered through real meat – but white, dark and/or red meat isn’t specified. The spring’s location is not identified. An early-grade child in the grocery store approaches me in the beverages aisle, tells me if I screw off the cap and put the water bottle to my ear like a conch (which he also tells me is known for its edible meat) I will hear what kind of meat it is by its groan. He explains this with a straight face, as if this is proven science, as if he’s a first-shift supervisor at the bottling plant, or the meat-flavored water in-store evangelist. I groan my own little groan. He shrugs a confident shrug and walks away. I watch as people pick up meat-flavored water by the case. No one bothers to read, to search, to listen.

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Thad DeVassie is a writer and artist/painter from Ohio. He is the author of three chapbook collections and was awarded the James Tate Poetry Prize (SurVision Books). His work has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize, Best of the Net, Best Microfiction, and appears in Best Small Fictions 2025. Domesticated Creatures, his novella-in-flash, arrives this autumn. Find more of his work at www.thaddevassie.com