Anthony Bourdain’s ghost talks me down from the ledge

by Kimberly Wolf

Leonardo Yip

It’s so beautiful up here. I mean, really. You can just about see it all. Look at the way the sunrise coming over that mountain casts the forest in honey light. Something like that looks good enough to gorge yourself on. But of course, I know. You can’t. The problem with the world is it’s just too big to hold inside of our bodies. But we try, don’t we? We are always attempting to gather it all together, trying to get some of that gold light to stick to our lungs. And obviously, we can’t take it with us. We understand this, you and I. The problem with knowing everything is that it makes your entire life one big preparation for death. And the problem with preparing is we are bad at it, we want to rush the ending. Give us the whole fucking earth on a plate or give us the abyss! But then. Of course. I shouldn’t have to tell you. The problem with dying is that the abyss is all there is, and the abyss is just so damn boring. So come down. Look, the gilded trees. Look, your tears are worth the sun-soaked world. Look, the changing light. Look.

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Kimberly Wolf is a bipolar mom living in Texas. She is dreaming about a mountain right now. You can read more of her work in trampset, Anti-Heroin Chic, Variant Literature, and others. You can find her on Twitter @KimmieWolf.